Themes | Sub-themes | Main narrative content |
---|---|---|
Expand one’s world | Interest in cigarette | Cigarettes were made famous by movies and F1. Actors made smoking look cool. I admired them and longed to smoke. Once I applied for some prizes, I got a Zippo lighter, which made me feel even cooler. |
I used to get many sample cigarettes of a new product from the convenience store I was working at, and I thought I should try smoking. In retrospect, if I had not smoked then, I would not be smoking now. | ||
Resistance to passive smoking | As I remember, my parents usually smoked in the living room, and I was constantly exposed to smoke. I hated smoke so much then, but when I eventually tried it, I realized that I could smoke. | |
The truck I had my job was always filled with a lot of smoke from my co-worker. I didn’t understand why I had to go through this. I thought to myself if I had to passively smoke, I would still rather smoke actively. | ||
Belonging to the peer community | I went to a summer camp with my clubmates, and they offered me a cigarette. I was included in the group without resistance through smoking, and spending time with them was satisfying. | |
To explain, it is like a small group of smokers hanging out together. The community is more important to us, and the small group size makes it more cohesive. There is a sense of sharing space and time. | ||
Embodiment of oneself | People told me, “wow, that is such a strong cigarette you smoke,” and I pretended to be cool saying things like, “this is normal for me to smoke this much.” I was acting brave. | |
I wanted to smoke without worrying about what others would think. Even if I was a little uncomfortable with my surrounding atmosphere, I smoked with the feeling of, “I won’t lose.” | ||
Unconscious attachment | Perceive special sensations | Probably because when I smoke, my blood vessels constrict. I feel dizzy and lightheaded, which is good. It’s like taking a big, fat breath. |
I felt dizzy in my head and a kick in the throat. My lungs would get a little heavier, which was good. It is comparable to how a beer goes from bitter to good. | ||
Switching their own mood | I was really busy with my double job, in a hurry to make money, and working hard and alone. I wanted to smoke and take a break after work. | |
When I am tired or need to take a break from work, I take a deep breath in with a cigarette and exhale deeply to reset. Thus, in a way, it may be similar to deep breathing. | ||
Calm the unrest | I wake up and smoke; eat a meal and smoke; and brush my teeth, change clothes, and smoke. I smoke 10 cigarettes before work. That is my rhythm, and it calms me down. I feel better prepared for work. | |
I would rather smoke than worry about something; it is a tranquilizer. I cherish this one important time because I don’t know when and where I will be able to smoke again. If I have time, I will surely smoke. | ||
Attempts and failures | Reflect on one’s own smoking habit | I found myself smoking while lounging around, when using my phone, and when I’m thinking. It is no longer a small break or social lubricant I once thought it was. It is no longer a benefit. |
I guess I am not that attached to cigarettes. However, I look at my friends, and the amount they smoke is amazing. Seeing them makes me think I could always quit smoking. | ||
Explore smoke reduction and cessation | I searched the Internet for a surefire way to quit. I thought that the success rate of using varenicline was relatively high. I read all the success stories of others. Therefore, I decided to use varenicline. | |
I attempted to quit smoking cigarettes by putting candy or gum in my mouth to drown my loneliness. However, when I do so, I had to share it with everyone every time. In addition, I gained weight. | ||
Receiving an invitation to smoke | A senior gave me heated cigarettes and said, “I heard you quit smoking; this is good.” I was so amazed at the quality of the heated cigarettes that I repurchased them that same day. | |
At a drinking party, he asked me to smoke, and I thought, “I had quit tough. It is a drinking party; it is OK.” I smoked. Fast forward, I started smoking again with my seniors during breaks. | ||
Lose oneself | Outflow of time and money | I don’t know why I pay to smoke. If I could stop, I would be able to save $5, and use it for buying a meal instead. However, my body craves for smoking and I want to do something habitually. I don’t know. |
Cigarettes have become the center of my life. I come to work early to smoke, go out for easy lunch and smoke, and come back early from lunch to brush my teeth to eliminate the smell of cigarettes. | ||
Trust wavers | My spouse was very angry when she learned about my smoking relapse. I was treated like a criminal. I could neither talk to anyone about it. In fact, we stopped talking together. | |
My father died early because of smoking. Because of that, my mother would say, “you stink,” and shunned me whenever I smoke. She would also call me a smoking “douche.” | ||
Shrinkage of whereabouts | There used to be a community of smokers where I had the opportunity to connect and talk with older people at work. Now, there is no place to smoke or friends, and I smoke alone. | |
It used to be that if you had never met them in the smoking area, they would say, “I have got a new release. Do you want one?” kind of conversation. Very nice place, but it is becoming lesser nowadays. | ||
Doubt about oneself | I paid for varenicline treatment, but I started smoking again. I betrayed not only the medicines but also myself. I want to win the battle against myself. Next time I will have to fight on my own. | |
I thought I could quit, but I could not. I smoked again. I even regretted why I said, “I quit.” No matter how hard I tried, I just cannot stop. It is very painful and hard. I deceived myself, and lost the trust of my wife. |